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[Lambang Kerajaan Okusi-Ambeno]

Berita Istana Iskandar

Official News Service of the Sultanate of Okusi-Ambeno

Selected stories from the Okusi-Ambeno News Service

Airship Service Recommences

Pante-Makassar, 11 February, 1995 (Berita):- Royal Okusi-Ambeno Airlines (Swiftair) today announced the re-commencement of its airship service between Singapore and Pante-Makassar.

Thrice weekly flights will depart from Singapore's Sentosa Island and arrive 12 hours later at the Pante-Makassar Aerodrome.

Bookings are expected to be very heavy, especially as the memories of some unfortunate incidents in the past have now faded. Target markets will include Singapore, Malaysia, Hongkong, and Australia's Northern Territory.

 

Holiday Proclaimed

Pante-Makassar, 17 February, 1995 (Berita):- His Majesty the Sultan Gare, the Sultan and Yang Di Pertuan of Okusi-Ambeno (pbuh) has proclaimed Friday, the 18th of February, 1995, to be an INTERNATIONAL HOLIDAY to commemorate the birth of his First Son on this day, the 17th of February, 1995 at 01:52 UCT.

Long Live the Sultan (pbuh)! Long Live the Sultan Muda! Death to Amerika! Merdeka!

 

Name-the-Sultan-Muda Competition

Pante-Makassar, 17 February, 1995 (Berita):- His Majesty the Sultan Gare, the Sultan and Yang Di Pertuan of Okusi-Ambeno (pbuh) is highly desirous to find a name for His First Born Son. He has therefore decreed that the person who comes up with the best name for His Son will win an all-expenses paid trip His country.

This will include Swiftair airship to Pante-Makassar (ex-Singapore), seven days accommodation at the Club Paradise Resort, and OA$1,000 spending money. To be eligible, please e-mail suggestions before 0600 GMT, 17th February, 1995.

 

Transglobal Airship Flight

Pante-Makassar, 14 June, 1995 (Berita):- Swiftair Corporation today announced details of a special transglobal flight to be made next month in the newly commissioned Malatesta, a luxuriously appointed Zeppelin NT LZ-184. Swiftair is the flag-carrier for the Sultanate of Okusi-Ambeno.

The airship Malatesta is built to carry 40 passengers and 12 crew in sumptuous comfort. The ship is powered by five Porsche IC engines that give the ship its top cruising speed of 125 knots, and a range of 9,493 kilometres.

Souvenir philatelic mails will be carried on the flight, which will be only stopping off at countries that have full membership of the International Council of Independent States.

Persons wishing souvenir envelopes should contact:

Okusi-Ambeno Overseas Philatelic Bureau
PO Box 876
Auckland
New Zealand 1140

 

Disastrous flood devastates north

Pante-Makassar, 15 December, 1995 (Berita):- The northernmost regency of the Sultanate of Okusi-Ambeno, Jade, was devastated by monsoon storms and flash floods on Saturday, 10th December, 1995.

The tropical island is traditionally a beneficiary of abundant rainfall at the end of each year, but this year's deluge has been totally out of proportion to anything that has occurred in recent years. The Regent of Jade, Sir Simon Hall, after a helicopter trip overflying the devastation, stated "I am flabbergasted. Many of our finest tourism landmarks have been totally wiped out and several people have lost their homes. We urgently need international aid in the form of medicines, mosquito nets, helicopters and rubber tyres."

The economy of Jade, which has traditionally based on coffee and mushroom production and processing, is expected to take a considerable time to recuperate.

 

Naga Unggu "threatened with extinction" according to Greens

Pante-Makassar, 20 December, 1995 (Berita):- In the tiny Asian Sultanate of Okusi-Ambeno zoologists have become extremely concerned for the survival of a rare species of dragon. Called the "Naga Unggu", this close relative of the Komodo Dragon is unique to the Sultanate.

A large colony of Naga Unggu dwell in the mountainous regions of the Sultanate's Dragon Regency. The threat to the dragons comes from their habit of taking early morning flights over northern regencies. These dragons only defecate during flight, and a typical bowel movement by an adult male has been known to discharge up to 42 turds of about 12 kilograms each in quick succession.

Larger turds have caused significant damage to recently-built mushroom factories in the Atanarble Regency. The Atanarble Regency Council has sent strongly-worded protests about the overflights to Dragon Regency, where the dragon is a revered religious symbol and significant tourism money-spinner in an otherwise boring countryside.

Five Exocet missiles intercepted by Okusi Customs earlier this month [see Markpress, 11/10] are alleged to have been destined for Atanarble Regency. It is believed that heat sensors on these missiles can home in on a dragon's cloaca.

Officials from the Istana Iskandar yesterday stepped in to try and negotiate a settlement between the Regencies, and to prevent further hostility towards the dragons. An announcement is expected next week.

 

OA-US Foreign Aid Suspended

Pante-Makassar, 2 January, 1996 (Berita):- Aid to the US from the Sultanate of Okusi-Ambeno has been suspended, says a spokesman for the Istana Iskandar.

In a brief statement read to reporters the spokesman said that it had become "unambiguously clear" that Okusi-Ambeno's large US Aid Program was a complete waste of time and money, and that the search was now on for more worthwhile recipients.

The largest component of the Sultanate's Aid to the US is the English Language and Speech Therapy Program. UK experts claim that withdrawal of this aid will render North American speech completely unintelligible within 5 years unless another aid donor is found.

Through an interpreter, a US government spokesman said that the White House will not respond until they have had time to study the statement.

 

Royal Visit by HRH Sultan Muda to Malaysia

Pante-Makassar, 8 February, 1996 (Berita):- The Istana Iskandar this morning announced that the His Royal Highness the Sultan Muda of Okusi-Ambeno, Aden, will conduct an unofficial tour of Malaysia starting this Friday. He will be accompanied by Her Majesty the Sultanah and three wet nurses. The royal party will apparently make a short stop-over in Singapore.

No itinerary has been released, but it is expected that informal trade talks will take place. Trade ties between the Sultanate and Malaysia have been tested in recent years. In 1989 Malaysia reneged on an agreement allowing Okusi airships to overfly Johor State. This action damaged Okusi-Ambeno's burgeoning tourist industry for some years, and relations between the countries have been cool ever since.

 

Bad Year for Mushroom Exports – Minister

Baleksetung, 4 April, 1996 (Berita):- The state-run laboratories producing recreational-use mushrooms have reported a bumper harvest, beating previous production figures for the third year in succession, the Minister of Agriculture, the Hon. Abdul G. Took, announced today.

The mushrooms are a harmless variety with a high content of psylocibin, a psychoactive agent that induces colourful visions in the user but leaves no harmful effects on the body. In addition, it is not addictive, said Mr Took.

The government-owned mushroom industry was established in 1976, and there are now laboratories in every major town within the Sultanate. After sterile cultivation, the harvest is dried and then packed for local sale. Usage of all other recreational drugs has fallen off sharply in Okusi-Ambeno since the high-quality product came onto the market.

Export sales this year will not be good. Mr Took reported that despite intense interest from importers all of this year's production will be sold and consumed locally. To alleviate the international shortage he encouraged people in other lands to grow their own. "The mushroom is easily cultivated, however His Majesty the Sultan will entertain any foreign government request for technical aid from Okusi-Ambeno.", he stated.

 

Istana: Eddy Tansil definitely not here

Pante-Makassar, 23 June, 1996 (Berita):- High ranking officials at the Istana Iskandar today denied rumours that Indonesian fugitive, Eddy Tansil, was taking refuge in the palace.

"Eddy Tansil is not here now, has never been here before, and he will not be here in the future", said an official. The official was cut short because of construction noise coming from within the palace.

 

New Arrival at the Alexander Palace

Pante-Makassar, 05 December, 1996 (Berita):- A statement from the Istana Iskandar (Alexander Palace) has announced the birth of the His Royal Highness the Sultan Muda II (pbuh). The birth took place on Thursday 0040 OAT (Wednesday 1640 GMT) corresponding with the rising of the moon.

Birth weight of 6.5lbs was less than expected, especially when considering the birth weight of the Sultan Muda I (pbuh) of 7.7lbs. The Sultan Muda I was born in February last year.

The Sultanah is doing well, and will reportedly receive His Majesty the Sultan Gare, the Sultan and Yang Di Pertuan of Okusi-Ambeno (pbuh) this morning at 1005 OAT.

Details of the Name the Sultan Muda II competition are expected to be released later today.

 

Okusi-Ambeno Hooks into the Global Information Super-Highway

Pante-Makassar, 23 December, 1996 (Berita):- The Sultanate of Okusi-Ambeno is now on the web, with the opening of Sultanate's web site (http://okusi1.tripod.com) by His Royal Highness the Sultan Muda (Yang Manis, Aden) this morning.

His Royal Highness said that the Sultanate's web site was a landmark in the country's development and predicted that by the turn of the century every Okusi subject would be hooked-in and turned-on to the global information super-highway.

 

Royal Post Office Announces Dalai Lama Postage Stamps

Pante-Makassar, 12 March, 2002 (Berita):- The Postmaster-General of the Okusi-Ambeno Post Office today announced the release of a new series of postage stamps featuring the Tibetan exiled leader, the Dalai Lama XIV.

"This is a unique series which calls attention to the human rights abuses in Tibet", he said. "Both stamps are in full colour and printed on gloss paper by the KDPN. The stamps include a photo of His Holiness, the Dalai Lama XIV, and include the words Help Free Tibet." The values are 60 cents and $3.

First-day issues can be purchased from any Post Office or the Overseas Philatelic Bureau commencing 19 March, 2002.

The 14th Dalai Lama, seen on the new stamp.

 

New Citizenship Program Announced

Pante-Makassar, 18 August, 1997 (Berita):- A spokesman for the Istana Iskandar this morning announced the appointment of Okusi-Ambeno's first Minister for Immigration. Dr Sir Abdul Mahathir Rahman takes up the post as of today.

"This appointment marks the beginning of the end of the Sultanates long-standing 'Yellow Okusi Policy'", said the official. "From this day forth, any person, regardless of the misfortune of their birth, may apply for Okusi citizenship", he added.

Up to 334 new immigrants per year will be allowed to take up citizenship. This makes this program one of the highest per capita migrant intakes in the world.

The Sultanate is particularly keen to attract skilled technologists from English-speaking countries, such as the UK, Australia, New Zealand, and Canada. Applicants from the USA may also be considered should they be able to pass a simple English-language test.

In line with the Sultanates high-tech image, citizenship applications will soon be able to be made over the Internet. Citizenship is a pre-requisite to obtaining employment in Okusi-Ambeno, however the Ministry can make no guarantee of jobs for successful citizenship applicants.


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